Parallel Postulate
by Pi-dantic
Summary: Coauthored by Moosesmittens on Ao3. Hectorgon and Kryptos dance around their feelings for each other for the millionth time. Pyronica picks up on it. (Takes place between chapters 3 and 4 of Hero's Formula, though one doesn't have to read that fic in order to enjoy this one, or vise versa.) Warnings: swearing, implied background torture, mentioned fantasy prejudice, cheese.


((Previously, on Gay Shape Hell...))

Pyronica finally lets Kryptos go, flinging him over to Hector. "Oh boy! We're gonna need to gather all the guys!"...

...Hectorgon isn't prepared to bear the weight of someone equal to his mass and size, and he and Kryptos hit the ground with a duet of yelps and a singular THUD.

Kryptos clings to him, until he realizes they've hit the floor and it dawns on him exactly what he's doing. He wants to let go, but he's too mortified. They both stare at each other for moment. It's only a second or so but it seems to go on for an eternity.

Hectorgon gives him a sharp shove. "Get off me." he snarls, brushing himself off.

Kryptos hastily scrambles away. "yeahsuresorry" he mutters, wringing his hands...

..."Hey, boss?" Pyronica pipes up. "Should we go get the others?" Bill sighs, motioning idly. "Sure, sure, go right on ahead, Niki..."Teeth peek out from his eye. "Lil' ol' Sixer and I have a llooot of catching up to do in the meantime..."

Pyronica 'winks' at Bill, before looping her arms around Kryptos and Hector and leading them out of the room. "Come on, pals! Let's go start this party!" Kryptos and Hectorogon glance at each other before quickly looking away, Hector with a scowl on his face, Kryptos with a sheepish look on his. They let Pyronica lead them away without protest.

* * *

Kryptos glances at Hectorgon, then back at his hands. He goes back and forth like this for a bit. He's not sure what he might say. So many complicated feelings are jumbled up inside of him and he can sense Hectorgon's sour mood, a touch above his usually grumpiness, all the way on the other side of Pyronica's grip. He's unsure if he should say anything at all or steer clear and let this mess sort itself out. Sometimes Hector likes to be alone when he's like this. Though he's not sure why he's like this.. all Pyronica suggested was that they...were...

Was that really so offensive? Is Hector _that_ ashamed of him?

Kryptos' gaze drops to the floor.

Hectorgon, meanwhile, is fuming. For nearly a trillion fucking years he'd managed to avoid this particular subject, in the presence of others and indeed in regards to his own feelings on the matter. And now all the careful compartmentalizing is being threatened out of a mischievous jest and oh, does it make him mad. _Furious,_ really. Furious, and somewhat terrified. It was fortunate Bill was so amused by his new plaything, or he might have caught on to what Pyronica was saying, and there's no telling where they'd be now if that'd happened.

Pyronica all but skips along the hallway with her buddies, her heels clack and echo around the expansive room.

"I'm so psyched for you two!" She crows, nudging Hector on one of his sides. "We should totally throw a big party to celebrate!"

Kryptos is about to speak when Hectorgon beats him to it. "Celebrate, _what_ , pray tell?"

"You two, of course! The guys will love it!" She squeezes them closer to her sides, giving Kryptos an affectionate noogie over his eye.

"I knew you guys were totally in love but it's just so refreshing to hear it from you!"

" _WHAT_ " Hectorgon shrieks. Kryptos has, in nearly a trillion years, never quite heard his voice reach that high of a pitch before.

"what do you mean, Roni?!" Kryptos asks, his own voice dissolving into something of a squeak.

Pyronica pauses, her eye flicking to each companion. Her grin widens, more teeth than smile.

"You were pretty freakin' obvious!" She snorts. "C'mon! Why deny it? You've been together for like… billions of years! Might as well make it official!"

Hectorgon sputters. "I beg your _pardon_ !" _Shit_ he thinks with a growing panic. technically they aren't...they _weren't_ ... but...well...

No. No no no no, he's gone a trillion fucking years without acknowledging this...this...and that's not going to change because of some silly thing Pyronica says!

Kryptos glances at Hector. He frowns. He's never seen him act quite like this before and now he's very, very confused indeed. he turns back to Pyronica. Maybe he can help explain things?

"Oh, Niki, well you see...I mean..." he wrings his hands. "It's...we're...it's not like _that_..." the last bit hurts to say, for some reason, but it has to be said. He doesn't want Hectorgon to be irreparably mad at him. Not after all they'd been through...

Pyronica bursts into raucous laughter, throwing back her horns.

"OH MY GOSSSHH! YOU'RE BOTH BLUSHING!" She squeals, jumping up and down on the spot. "YOU GUYS ARE SOOOOO CUTE!"

Hectorgon crosses his arms. "I am _not_ blushing."

Kryptos knows he is, however, and thus decides simply to return his gaze to the ground.

Pyronica simply screams louder, tackling Hector to the ground. "YOU TOTALLY ARE!"

She gives him a big lick across the face. "Don't be shy, big guy! It's adorable!"

Hectorgon lets out a little yelp at being licked. He wipes the saliva from his face in disgust. "If I am, it's because your accusations are embarrassing and ridiculous."

" _really..._ " Kryptos mutters. he winces, half hoping Hector didn't hear him, half hoping he did.

"What was that, Kryptos?"

Hector regrets speaking the instant the words leave his mouth, but there's not much he can do about it now.

"Really? is it really that ridiculous, Hector?" Kryptos says bitterly. "Would you really hate to...be...a _thing_ with me _that much_?"

"...I never said that."

"Yeah, well you _might as well have_!"

Hectorgon is silent for a moment. then he huffs. "I think all such relationships are ridiculous, Kryptos. One with you isn't any more or less ridiculous than any other. We're not in the 2nd dimension anymore, we're above such inane, limited things."

"Yeah? well maybe...maybe..." Kryptos hugs himself. "Maybe I think _you're_ inane..."

"Oh, please."

"But like..." Kryptos tries to keep his thoughts to himself...but he just...can't. not right now. His voice rises in tone. "You were always like this!"

"I'm sorry?"

"You always said stuff like this! Always! Like first it was because we were 'in the middle of a heist' and it 'wasn't a good time' and now it's all 'we're not in the second dimension Kryptos' and 'you're stupid for thinking things like that aren't stupid Kryptos' "

"First of all, I never said that last bit, and secondly, can we discuss this later possibly, Kryptos?"

"Why? why does it always have to be _later_?"

"Because this is unseemly and I'd rather not..."

"of _course_ you'd 'rather not'..."

"Kryptos _please_ "

Pyronica watches the exchange between the two, bubbling with excitement. She begins to emit a high pitch squeal.

"EEEEEE OH MY GOD YOU GUUUYS! JUST DECLARE YOUR LOVE FOR EACH OTHER ALREADY!"

" _We're not a couple_!" Hectorgon yells.

Kryptos scowls at him. "Why _not_?!"

There's an awkward silence. Hectorgon's expression is unreadable. Kryptos folds into himself a little, looking down at the floor again. "I...I..."

Hectorgon turns away, sighing. "We'll talk about this later, Kryptos."

Pyronica just cackles. "Oh you _guys_! You really gotta chill out! We're about to have a PAAARTY!" She grabs them both and drags them forwards.

"C'mon! Bill's probably waiting for us!"

Kryptos says nothing, glancing at Hectorgon. He glimpses a faint expression of fear, but it quickly fades, to the point where he's a little unsure of whether it happened at all. He and Hectorgon have been through a lot together, but he's rarely seen him frightened.

Hectorgon exhales. a party might be a nice change of pace. take his mind off of this. And, perhaps more importantly, it might take Pyronica's mind off of this. "Fine. Lead the way, Pyronica."

Kryptos manages a smile. "Yeah, let's have a party!" Anything to lighten the mood would be welcome. Pyronica always knows how to make things fun. And maybe Hectorgon might not be so stressed out if they have some drinks and relax and stuff...maybe they could talk this out...or just ignore it for a few billion more years...whichever works best...

Pyronica all but leaps into the room. "HELLOO PARTY!" She yells, waving at all her friends and dragging Hector and Kryptos into the fray.

Kryptos gives a squeak as he's pushed into the room. Hectorgon grumbles, heading immediately to the snack table, and begins filling himself a cup of punch.

Pyronica follows Hector eagerly. "Hey old man, lighten up would ya?"

Hectorgon downs his punch in a single drink and begins pouring himself some more.

Kryptos would usually be hanging around the snack table as well, but he decides he'd rather avoid Hectorgon for now. He instead finds himself a corner of the floor to dance in, or at least pretend to dance for a while. He glances back in Hector's direction every so often and looks away hastily.

Hectorgon, however, does his best to ignore Kryptos, or at least seem like he is doing so. He instead acts very preoccupied with his drink, pouring punch almost to the top without causing it to overflow and then kicking back the entire cup without a solitary breath in between.

Pyronica eyes Hector with amusement. "Come on, man! Lighten up! You're upsetting Kryptos!"

Hectorgon finishes his second cup of punch and immediately begins pouring himself a third. He scowls at Pyronica, then glances briefly at Kryptos. "Oh, _he'll be fine._ " he mutters. " _He'll get over it._ "

Hectorgon's not sure if what he's saying is true however, even as he's saying it.

Pyronica shakes her head. "Allow me to put on my SKEPTICALS, Hector!" She says, imitating herself putting on glasses.

He huffs, glancing at Kryptos again. He does seem rather put out...

Hectorgon sighs. "Listen, Pyronica, I'm going to tell you something that you must never say to _anyone_ , understood?"

Pyronica almost self-combusts with joy, her flames flaring up as she does an excited little dance.

"EEEE!" She tries to calm herself, putting on a very serious face. "Yes, Hector... You can tell me anything!...OMGOSH JUST TELL MEEEE!"

Hectorgon takes a good long drink of his punch, leans in close and whispers. "I...I..." he sighs. " _I quite possibly to some degree perhaps indeed have some sort of... 'thing' for Kryptos, ok_?"

Pyronica screams, loud enough to make the stained glass shudder.

"OH. MY. _GOD_! I KNEW IT! IKNEWITIKNEWITIKNEWIT! YOU GOTTA TELL HIM!" Pyronica grabs Hector and swings him around in her excitement.

"SHHHHHHHHHHH!" Hectorgon grabs her, covering her mouth, spilling some of his punch in the process. " keep it down, _Pyronica!_ " He hisses. " _You mustn't tell ANYONE, you hear me_?!"

Pyronica giggles and licks his hand. "Oh I won't ~"

 _HOLYSHITIMTELLINGEVERYONE_

Hectorgon glares at her. "I _know you_ Pyronica, and _don't you dare_! Don't even _think_ about it!" He throws a wild look around the room. The rest of the henchdemons and the human might have taken notice, but they had all long since gone back to partying. Bill himself likely heard, but even more likely didn't care.

Hectorgon relaxes a bit, but only a bit. He stares into his drink, stirring it a little. "Look, I've...felt this way for a long time. Before Bill. before any of this." He sighs. "But...you can't tell him. You can't tell anyone. It...it's not _safe_. If Bill finds out, he'll use it against him! against both of us!" Hectorgon casts his gaze across the room towards the downtrodden diamond, still stealing glances at him. "Especially Kryptos; you know how little he cares for him."

It was never safe, and it never will be, in all likelihood. Pyronica doesn't understand that. Kryptos never understood that. The world they came from was a cruel and unforgiving one-with its intolerance of Kryptos, intolerance of them certainly, having to be on the run, dodging police and inspectors, living in dingy motels and the backrooms of drug dens-and so too is the one they live in now. They'd merely traded one cage for a another, really, but at least Hector knows how to survive in this one long term. They live here in relative safety and comfort because of it. He can't take a risk like this. He just can't.

Pyronica's grin drops a little. Hector seems… A little concerned.

"You think… Bill might punish Kryptos using you?" She asks, lowering her voice for what felt like the first time in a billion years.

Hectorgon takes a swig of punch, finishing off his drink. "If the mood struck him? I don't doubt it for a moment."

Though Hectorgon can't pretend this is an entirely selfless act-as much as he wants Kryptos safe, he too would rather not be tortured to get a rise out of his...friend...

Pyronica motions to the human curled up at the foot of Bill's throne."He seems pretty distracted right now, dontcha think?"

Hectorgon glances at Bill. "For the moment, yes." He begins pouring himself more punch. "But you know as well as I do that Bill is _unpredictable_ , and i'd rather not put my faith in his temperament." he smiles sardonically. "We don't all have the advantage of being his favorite."

Pyronica twists her own lips wryly. "I guess… I guess I get what you mean. Still seems kinda sad to keep it from the guys. You guys should be happy…" She pouts.

Hectorgon sighs. "Pyronica, no one is _happy_ , they're simply... _happier_ than they could be. This is the happiest Kryptos and I have ever been in our miserable little lives." he gives Kryptos one last glance. "Kryptos might have to put up with a lot of heckling and disintegration and the like, but that is a massive step up from some of the things he's had to go through. And I want that to be the worst thing he has to deal with. I'm not interested in tempting fate." He chuckles. "Also I do rather enjoy avoiding Bill's wrath, especially his more _creative_ pastimes."

Pyronica sighs. What a party pooper. "Okay, Hec… I won't tell anyone. Just at least apologise to Kryp for being so harsh. The kid looks really down…"

Hector sighs again, looking back at Kryptos. The poor sap is puttering around, trying to have a good time, but honestly is acting as though someone spit in his punch. Hector may be a bit terse with him sometimes, but he does so hate it when he's upset.

"Fine. I'll go talk to him." He downs another half of his punch and hovers over to the diamond.

Kryptos twiddles his fingers, counting the tiles in the floor. Dancing lost it's appeal fast; he just doesn't have the energy or motivation.

"Kryptos?"

The diamond jumps. "Ah, uh, h-hey th-there, H-hector..."

Hectorgon tries for a smile. he isn't a fan of upsetting Kryptos, and making him nervous to the point of stuttering definitely counts. "I uh..." He stares at his drink. "Well you see..." he coughs, clearing his throat. "I...I'm sorry...Kryptos...I shouldn't have been so..."

"...much of a jerk?"

"...yes. that."

Another silence hangs between them.

Pyronica watches the exchange closely, meandering over to the snack table with a mildly amused grin. She looks over to Keyhole and the others. She needs to tell someone about this! It's just too exciting to keep a secret!

Hectorgon and Kryptos meanwhile, remain silent after the apology. There isn't much to say that either can withstand verbalizing.

"So..." Hectorgon says, chuckling sheepishly. He motions to the scene the rest of the henchdemons are making. "Want to watch Teeth try to eat Keyhole again?"

Kryptos smiles. It's small but genuine. "Heh, sure..."

Hectorgon reaches out and pats him on the arm. It's an awkward gesture, but Kryptos seems to appreciate it enough. His smile grows just a bit wider.

They both make their way over to the rest of the group. Kryptos begins joining in with the chant. Hectorgon shrugs, laughing, and does the same. "GO ON TEETH! BITE OFF HIS HEAD!" he shouts, spilling a bit of his drink again, but clearly not caring.

"YEAH, OFF WITH HIS HEAD!" Kryptos screams gleefully.


End file.
